Are they ready for college?
It’s finally here! The day you have been dreaming about for years. Your baby is off to college! You have done the dorm room shopping; the car is loaded and now all that’s left is the drop off. But is your teen ready to be successful at school, away from home and ready to make decisions for themselves? Here are some tips to get your teen ready for this new, exciting, and challenging phase of life.
Basic housekeeping skills
You are not going to be there to do the cleaning, laundry, and cooking. Hopefully your teen has had several years of experience practicing these skills but if not, it’s not too late to do some housekeeping basic training with them. Have them practice the following:
Bed making. They may not care if their bed is unmade but perhaps their roommate will! A made bed also functions as a sofa when friends hang out in your dorm room.
Laundry. Make sure your teen knows not only how to use a washing machine and dryer, but also what settings are appropriate for different items and how often to wash sheets and towels, often forgotten by college students!
Putting clothing away. Again, teach your teen to be respectful of their roommate. Dirty clothing goes in the hamper and clean clothing gets put away.
Dusting and vacuuming. Dorm rooms are not cleaned by the housing staff. Make sure you have supplies for your teen to use to keep their dorm room clean.
Cooking. Most college students will at some point prepare their own meals. Teach your teen the basics like making pasta, scrambling an egg, cooking a hamburger, making a salad.
Money management skills
College is a time of transition. In high school teens are not responsible for paying bills and managing their budgets. After college, when they are employed, they will have to know how to set a budget, pay bills and hopefully save money for the future. During college students should have some shared responsibility with money management. Make sure you discuss the following before they head off to school:
Discuss what you will be paying for and what they will be responsible paying for while they are at school. For example, you may want them to pay for their books and their entertainment
Help them set up a monthly budget and show them how to keep tract of expenses
Have them open up a bank account if they don’t already have one and have them know how to use an ATM card
Consider getting them a student credit card. Many banks will offer college students a credit card which allows parents to access the account. This is a great way for teens to start establishing credit and to learn how to use credit cards responsibly.
Health care needs
This is another life skill typically managed by parents and can be stress provoking for you and your teen if they need to address a health emergency while away at school.
Give them a copy of their health insurance card and/or health savings card. Have a backup duplicate copy handy in case it gets lost. Make sure they know about copays and deductables.
Have them put the student health services phone number on their contact list for easy retrieval should they need to make an appointment
If your teen takes a prescribed medication find a pharmacy near the college where they can pick up their medication and ask the prescribing doctor to call the next refill in to that new pharmacy.
If your teen has a chronic medical condition for which they see a specialist, consider finding a specialist near college in case of any worsening symptoms while they are at school
Consider getting a dorm safe for your teen to store medications, such as those for ADHD which are a common target for getting stolen at school.
Mental health care needs
Hopefully college will be a smooth, fun transition for your teen. It would be very unusual for a college student to never experience stress and anxiety. This is typical part of college life. Up to 70% of college students report experiencing anxiety that interferes with daily functioning. It is important to plan ahead and discuss how common this is and what your teen can do if they experience anxiety which interferes with their life in a negative way.
Research and share with your teen what services are available to students having mental health issues and how to access those services
Resident Advisors are not just dorm babysitters. They receive extensive training on helping students cope with the struggles of college life. Encourage your student to talk with their RA if they are feeling stressed.
Making responsible decisions and becoming independent
This is what college is all about. Acknowledge that this is as hard, if not harder for parents as it is for our teens. We have been making decisions for them for the past 18 years. We are used to seeing them every day and always knowing their whereabouts. All that is about to change and it’s scary. For parents, I mean!
Let your teen know you have confidence in their ability to make good decisions. If they sense you are second guessing them, they will second guess themselves.
Do not linger when you do the drop off. Do not organize the dorm room for them. Do not pick their classes. Do not tell them what clubs to join. This is their time to figure this stuff out. If they ask for your help be supportive but encourage them to use their judgement.
Do not call them every day. Do not call to wake them up in the morning or remind them of their class schedule. These are tasks they need to be responsible for now.
Plan a set time to speak once a week. If you must contact them before then, always text so you do not interrupt a class or an important meeting. Do not ask them a million who/what/where questions. Ask open ended questions, such as “tell me about your classes” or “how was your weekend”. If you respect their privacy, believe it or not, they will be much more willing to open up and share with you.
Be excited and proud of your amazing child. This is not a sad time. This is what is supposed to happen! If you provide love, encouragement and support your child will thrive in school and you will be building a strong grown-up relationship with your young adult.